Getting the marriage to work

I wrote a post on Love Vs Marriage, mainly for those who are not yet married. Here is something I found useful and others who may be married also may.

Romantic marriage is everyone’s ideal. Romantic reasons for marriage include

• Mutual sympathy and tenderness
• We like the same kind of furniture/house design
• Soulmates: they grasp the poetry of our hearts
• We have similar attitudes to childraising
• They understand our sadness
• They finish our sentences
• We will have status among our social group
• The same music touches us both.

So, it is quite possible that one may develop love after marriage too. So romantic marriage is possible even for those who didn’t marry for love.

However, a sound marriage requires a blend of romantic flavour and practical harmony. School of Life website says ‘A marriage is a deeply practical project. It is akin to an attempt to run a small business together, one that involves dealings with property and household management, serving meals, planning holidays, entertaining friends and raising children. If we see our partner’s organisational skills, their financial acumen or their prowess as a host as simply ‘low’, we won’t recognise the very genuine contributions these are making to our existence. It’s strategically useful to get more explicit about identifying the most pragmatic reasons why we have picked our partner – and perhaps sum these up in a (secret) list we keep in a bedside drawer. Ideally, we’d return to it at points of crisis for reminders of just why we ended up choosing as we did – until such time as we succeed in the always tricky task of recovering admiration for, and connection to, our partner’s soul.’

So if you have not yet made a list of why you are still married or what is working and what is not working in a marriage, here is a little help. Here is a simple checklist that can help you look at the big picture of marriage and at the same time identify areas that need to be improved with mutual effort.

Even if one finds each other ‘mostly satisfied’ in these different areas, one can have an adequately happy married life. Given the statistics on marriage, you’d still be among the minority. A good enough marriage is a blessing.